Under Angel’s Wings (Lil King’s Story)
Under Angel’s Wings (Lil King’s Story)
Someone once told me when an angel comes into your life you’ll never be alone. Even when you don’t see them, angels are always there to guide you, believe in you, and love you. At any given moment, they make sure you are surrounded by those who understand every step you take forward into hope, and every step you take back into safety of pain. The following story is shared by a person who is living his life under the angel’s wings, under the wings of Lil King. We have two GS pups. To be honest, I did not want them. I did not want the responsibility of taking care of anything ever again after we lost our son, my precious Lil King.
Those three little words—- I love dogs! S.M.
I was a stay at home dad with Wyatt Zane, my king, hero, teacher. We were cuddle, battle and shadow buddies, when we stood in the sun, our shadows were one. I felt for so long now that I failed him, my wife. I saved him twice but could not for a third time. He spent much of his life on my chest. When he passed on 1/19/16, I wanted, prayed for death, to be placed in that bag before him so he could forever lay upon my chest.
My wife, rock and queen thought a dog would be good for me. I am doing a bit better now but, well, hell on earth is where I was. I can tell you in great detail about the pain, drowning in sorrow and more I will instead tell you how two dogs and my still ever present King are pulling me to the surface, teaching me how to breathe, to live again.
Zeus and Caesar are their names, they are 2 & 1/2 years old, but look like full grown dogs with paws the size of lions we almost lost Caesar to Parvo at about two months old. Once again, I was standing in a room with a medical professional, giving me the option of treatment, with no certainty of success or make them ‘comfortable.’ Some may see this as a flaw but to me it is innate. I chose battle, once again. We won this one and he is super strong and fast now.
The guilt over losing my son/ baby love there in my arms, after myself, the officer and the ENT’s did all we could do, a huge part of me died as well. I not only carried the guilt, sorrow, anger and pain, I fed it. I guess in part to punish myself. I was on the deck in a lawn chair one day and I broke the kind of crying that can’t really be explained. This frightened Zeus and Caesar at first, then they came to me, Zeus lay his head on my lap while looking deep into my eyes with a sense of understanding and sadness. Caesar placed his two front paws on my right shoulder and his rest head on the side of mine, cheek to cheek.
These two dogs that I did not want mimicked two of my son and I’s most precious moments in one single act of love. I promised my son on that day that I would move forward. I realized that this does not mean moving on and sure as hell does not mean leaving behind. I don’t smile or laugh like I used to but together Zeus and Caesar remind me so much of Wyatt, in spirit of course. Zeus is a hammer and Caesar a scalpel they helped me to realize that I did not fail my son in life. I was however failing him in passing- the self annihilation had to end. He would not want me this way; he did not live this way. He was happy, though he could never talk, he spoke to us in other ways.
